I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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