my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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