and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
