I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
