Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
