And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
