nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
