I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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