Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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