I faked an abortion last night.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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