This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
