one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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