She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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