eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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