but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
