Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
