I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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