Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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