I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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