Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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