Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
