i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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