Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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