I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
