Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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