i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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