Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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