Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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