She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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