she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
