He kissed a someone with a penis
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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