there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My ATM looks so different sober.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
