we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
