I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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