you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize