I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
