Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
