Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
