that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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