I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
