VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
