Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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