Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
