I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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