Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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