"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
