Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
