Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
