if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
