in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
