She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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