Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
