So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
