He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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