wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
