On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
