I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
