the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
