Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
