Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
