haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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