I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
