did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
