Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
