i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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