theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
