foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize