Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
