i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
