I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
