you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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