Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
