Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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