her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
