yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
