Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
