I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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