Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
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Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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