I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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