When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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